Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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11:21 pm - Hmm... not a big fan of sloppy Joes for dinner.
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Graduate school offers coming at me left an right.
So surprised that I was offered a Dean's Scholarship for Academic Excellece from American University for almost full tuition. Good times.Have also gotten into Denver, Syracuse, and the UNC/Spain Transatlantic Program.
Waiting on LSE, Hopkins, Columbia, GW, Buffalo, NYU.
Miami cancelled program.
Been going to gym a lot.
Therapy is super cool.
All in all awesome life minus the fact time is slippin by.
Peace Corps Interview Wednesday.
:)
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Friday, January 9th, 2004
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9:46 pm - hmmm I miss Feliclity and Noel...
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So its Friday night and I'm chillin here in Boynton Beach in front of the computer. Went to try to go to synagogue here tonight but apparently there was an intergenerational service which started at 7. I showed up at 8 when the normal service starts.
I go back to Houston tomorrow. Yeah. Just in time to teach Sunday school the next morning. Double yeah. Sense the sarcasm?
Spoke to RVT today. Really good times. Haven't spoken to my precious in a while. Although it sounds like she has a lot on here mind and something is stressing here.
Got Andrew to pick me up from the airport tomorrow which is a double yeah.
Not excited to start school at all on Monday. But it is my last semester. Finally. Sent in all my grad school applications. I'm not too excited about the prospect of two more years of school but I do want a really good job and I know if I don't do it now it maty take me a while. But I did apply to the Peace Corps too and thta whole thing is in progress. I'll keep you all updated.
Heres my shchedule for this semester if anyone is interested:
-Hebrew 102 - (beginning Hebrew II)
-SPAN 414 - Calderon's Theater (some Spanish class that I know nothing about but need to graduate)
-POLI 360 -W. European Democracies (this is a really good class)
-ECON 212 - macro. God help me. I took the first semester pass/fail - one of the only upperclassmen in the class and luckily passed - probably with a D or somethng of the sort. I am not too excited about this class. May drop it if it gets really bad.
-PSYC 231 - Industrial/Organizational Psychology - My last psych class needed to graduate as a psych major. Yeah ;).
Well heres to school (imaginary toast).
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Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
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6:53 pm - got an A+
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Well due to my rediculosity I am in old peoples Florida with aboslutely no plans for New Years. So while my parents are eating Chineese food with the Abrams I suppose I will contemplate. Whatever. Last year I saw the Pope on New Years in Rome so I gather nothing can beat that no matter what I did. Next year in Madrid ;). I hope....
So I must brag. I got two A+s this semester. MY GPA is a 4.13. Who would have thunk? Out of control I know. I e-mailed my psych prof to ask for my grade in the class and he told me that I got an A+ - the only one in a class of 40. Made me :). In a class of 40 psych majors. Probably indicates that I should be a psychologist.
Too bad I am applying for grad school in international relations.
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12:45 am - Miami
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So went to South Beach today with the parents. I know that it sounds way fun and that youre all jealous. We drove from Boynton to Hollywood to pick up my two cousins Asaf and Noam then we continued to Miami.
We didn't get to the actual beach until around 5 due to the rediculous traffic. I went in the water anways. I haven't seen a beach the whole vacation and I really wanted to go in. It wasn't that cold. South Beach was awesome though. Wish I could have been there without the rents. Ate dinner at an amaing sushi restaurant. Never had that much sushi in one sitting.
I love my parents and I know they are here for support and I am the ones that asked them to be here but man there is only so much I can take! I have been with them everywhere.. live in this small house in Florida with them 24/7... argh.... I want to be back in Houston... spending this much time with my parents will drive me back to drugs! herhe.... :) speaking of which Ive been clean for a good 2 weeks now.. cigarettes, drugs and the like. Fun Fun. No it really is. I am looking forward to attending my rehab meetings when I get back.
Thats it for now. No new years plans :(. Will wallow in self pity by myself on the couch. The way I figure it I was in Rome for New years last year so nothing can really top that. No matter what I did.
In other random news why don't I have the "one"? Talking to Mitali now who has Derrick... talked to my friend earlier who has her boyfriend who shes had for two years. What is wrong with me???? One of these days....
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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
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5:02 pm - Drug free and liking it.... BUT
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Hey,
So I have been off speed for a while and am feeling healthy - I also haven't smoked a cigarette for about a week either. I worked out today and swam a lot. Good times. Have also been working on grad school application.
So besides the fact that I feel good I don;t really know what to do about another situation. The night of my breakdown I called someone who I'll call Friend to ask if I could stay the night at their place. I ask Friend on the phone if he still does drugs. He says no. Friend picks me up. In the car Friend tells me that not only does he still do drugs but he deals them as well to "finance his habit". Who says things like that? Anyways I started crying.. after being in the hopsital for drugs this was not what I wanted to hear.. I made him drive me back to my apartment and I went to bed by myself.. Have not spoken to him since and will not speak to him while he is still doing drugs. Just sad because Friend (or shall I say Ex-Friend) used to be a good friend. Don't know really what to do......
Time to relax some more.
current mood:  content
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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11:37 am - How life passes.....
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I am now sitting in my parents house in Florida recovering. I have finally left the redicolousness of Houston and now have a weight room, swimming pool and tennis court at my disposal. A good place to become clean.
I have had a drug problem and finally broke down and oculdn't do anything about it.. I called people close to me and they suggested that I come home to my parents ASAP rather then posotponing my flight until after the new year. Seems to have been a good idea.
Just have to finally start therapy when I get back. Separate myself from the shitty people that still use. Develop a normal lifestyle once again.
Found out someone I'm still close to is not only still using but dealing. Shocker. But there won't be any more of him for a while. Just lucky to have the support that i need at this moment.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2003
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7:24 pm - Wow.... Has been a while.
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So I knew I haven't written for a while but 2 months seems a little redicolous. And oddly enough I can't really say anything of too much excitement has transpired in those two months.
The semester is almost over. Only four more weeks. And I am dangerously behind...But I'm a senior so it doesn't phase me too much.
I took my GREs (Graduate Record Exams) Last week and did really well; much better then I would have expected. Now the trick is to just write thosepesky essays that they want. Damn... And they are all due by January. I just want to go to Spain damn it!!! saw something today on Globetrekkers my new favorite show on PBS about Semana Santa in Sevilla nd it mad me sad. My how time flies. I arrived over a year ago. Way over a year. Wow.
My apartment is the messiest its ever been and haven't found a free moment to clean it. Necesito una criada!
I am going to Bruceville, TX next weekend to staff a relgious school retreat. Wohoo... lol.
I guess my life has been omewha exciting - I dressed up as a christmas tree with actually lights for our annual costume party here. I have been teaching a tenth grade class at religious school.. I think the chicks there have a crush on me. lol.
A lot more to write but I think I wil wait until I'm on normal computer because this one is too slow for me.
current mood:  contemplative
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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1:56 am - Por que no estoy en Espana?
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Hm... So the only thing making me happy about school so far is my Hebrew 101 class - I love languages - "Ani Talmid. Ani M'New York. Ani Yeled" (I am a student.. I am from new York. I am a boy). Economics is funny... I am probably one of the only upper classmen in the class and one of the only people who doesn't care about it which is funny.
Argh... so I got in a minor accident today and my 1992 Subaru Legacy is not happy about the fact. I was making a left into the Pak's Convenience store to buy Cigarettes and soda (yes another clue I should not be smoking) and out of nowhere I ha to slam onmy breaks because some car is coming at me. I have no idea what happened, but the guy who saw the accident said it was the other guy's fault. I gave the conveniece store guy who told me that my number so hopefully his customer will call me...otherwise th accident will be pinned on me becase I quite honestly have no idea what happened and could not explain it very well to the insurance claim lady, so most likely the other guy who was using his "company car" will pin the accident on me... Great. Just what I need. My poor baby (car).. its funny how you could have no idea what happened after something like that. I literlly couldnt explain to the insurance lsdy where the other car came from. I cannot tell my rents about this. They were already worried enough about me getting a car. Luckliy enough the damage on the other car was minimal so my insurance will cover it and I'l be left with a misalligned door....
As usual I want to be back in Spain. Soon I keep telling myself. I can't believe I was there a year ago.... its a crazy thought. I have to register for the GREs but I dont quite have 100 bucks to shell out at the moment. Great. Time to procrastinate bed some more.
current mood:  blah
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Monday, September 1st, 2003
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3:34 pm - just me and Shakira and Kirsten Dunst...
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Been a lonely few couple of days. I live by myself which I have not been liking more and more. Besides the fact that there is no one else to share the resposnibilties such as cooking and cleaning with, I miss people. Yes I do make an effort to meet up with friends but with everyone living everywhere it gets kind of hard.
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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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12:22 am - Chihuaha.....first day of school
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Listening to the rando song "Chihuahua" now on my "Todo Exitos" CD from Spain... ahhh.. memorias. Hard to believe I was there a year ago.
Haven't updated for a while. First day of school was today. It was really weird being back in the swing of things. I am now a senior and feel like a stranger on campus. I was away in Spain first semester so I never really got to know last years freshman class and then I wasn't here for orientation week this year so I don't know them yet. In time. I am involved on campus so hopefully I'll meet some new folk.
Classes were okay. First class of the day was Hebrew 101... The first few lessons should be really basic which is good...for now we are just reviewing the letters and how to read/write which I already know so its fun. My next class was American Foreign Policy taught by a grad student, if you can call it a class. All we did today was get the syllabus and leave, which leads me to think that its an easy class, because most professors would have already started to lecture. Ate my brown bag lunch (I don't live on campus so I don't have a meal plan) then headed off to Business Spanish which I believe will be my favorite class. The professor is from Jerez, Spain in Andalucia right near Sevilla so we raelly hit it off. Plus he has that whole European thing/Andaluz accent going. It seems like the class will be awesome and I'll learn a lot - plus I get to take the Madrid Chamber of Commerce Exam in Commercial Spanish at the end of the year. Fun stuff. Tomorrow I have econ (blagh) and my one psych class (yes even though its my major).
So much has happened since I last updated. first off, during my crazy week of partying before school started I found out that people who I know have been raeding my journal. Which is definitely cool, I mean it is there for all to see. But people who are in my life that I wrote about such as "Satine". I have talked to her and them about it. That was how I was feeling at the time. yes, I should have talked about my emotions with the people involved at the TIME but it was easier to write, so I did not. But they know my feelings have changed, and it is a new school year, and hopefully I can start with a clean slate. Yom Kippur is coming up (the jewish day of atonement) and inbetween Rosh hashannah (the new year) and Yom Kippur one is supposed to personally apologize to all those they may have wronged during the year. Rebecca will be sure to be on my list.
In other news I finally bought a car and a cell phone here! Its weird being part of society.. actually being able to go places and have people reach me/ Although the process has left be totally broke. I think I have about .52 cents in my checking account... I am looking into a student loan.
The buying of the car is a funny story. I saw an ad in the paper for a 1992 Subaru asking a price that I wanted. So I took a taxi to "Silber Motors" in southwest houston. a little indepedent garage thing. I examined the car.. the motor, transmission, oil, etc. everything seemed goood. I test drive it. It drives well. It had 149,000 miles on it, but what better was I going to get for the price that I wanted to pay? So I make an offer with the guy (in spanish) and buy the car. Me, knwing nothing about cars didn't realize that I needed to get the title at the time of buysing it. o I had to go back abd get temporary plates, showing that they were indeed a valid dealership and that they were going to transfer the title in my name. I got the car inspected and somehow it passed Texas state emissions and safety inspections! Which I was happy about. The on Saturday night, after trying to get home from a night out it stalls and won't restart. I remembered I had amoco motor club (thank gosh) who came to jump it because I thought it was the battery. Winds up it was not. I had to get it towed to the shop (luckliy covered by amoco as well) and it wound up being a broken wire somewhere. Had to pay money I don''t have for that and new front tires... lets hope that that is the end!!!! All hope for my car. I decided to name it Betty. Yes betty emites homosexuality which I acknowledge that I am so its fine. The care is blue so "Blue Betty" came to mind. Plus Betty shows a tone of sophistication in my mind. ;).
Here's to many more miles on betty. And my advice to all.... be a member of a motor club!! Here's to day two of school.....
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Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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2:18 pm - Quiero estar en Sevilla
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Estoy cansado. Tengo que limpiar mi piso. Quiero estar en Espana. No puede creer que ha sido un ano desde estuve en Espana.... es rediculoso...
Tengo que compar comida. No hay nada en mi piso porque estuve en New York por un mes. Hace muchismo calor aqui. Estoy sudando mucho.
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4:33 am - Why I like me....
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I am sick of tired of strangers who I meet at clubs, bars, etc. tell me "you're such a wonderful person" and then have me smile and blush and pretend I'm all modest... in reality I am a timid person but I almost think part of it is an act... It is now time for me to realize for MYSELF how wonderful I am.. Only then can I examine why I choose to at times engage in activities I do not like....smoking excessive amounts of cigarettes, engaging in illict drug use, having sex with men who I'll never see again (always safely but still emotionally damaging). It is time I have confidence in myself and see what others see. I'm wonderful. And now it is time to brag about me. For no one else but me. Everyone needs to engage in this exercise from time to time. I've done it in the past several times in high school, but at that point one is still developing (well one is always developing) and at this moment I feel as if it will mean more.
Incredible things about me.
I attend one of the top universities in the country where I have managed to maintain an A average - I use to say "ugh everyone is so smart here... valedictorians, etc." It is time for myself to acknowldge that I am as just as intelligent and holding my own.
I love helping others. I have served as a counselor for autistic the past four summers at a sleep away camp and make it a priority to volunteer in whichever community I reside.
I m a teacher. I teach others. I am a Hebrew school teacher and teach fifth graders about the prayer liturgy. I also engage tenth graders in discussion about charity and tzedakah (concept of charity in Judaism). I inspire others.
I am religious (not that being not religious makes someone a bad person but this is something i LIKE about me). I observe most holidays and customs and atten Shabbat services weekly which is more then can be said for the majority of American Jews.
I'm musical. I was an all state and all county baritone horn player in high school in New York (an extreme honor - special auditions are required) playing in both the New York State Symphonic Ban and Wind Ensemble. I use my guitar to entetain others.
I'm accepting. I listen to others without judgement. I'm kind and loving. I'm funny - I can walk into a room and make others smile (and not just because of my charming looks... hehe).
I can speak Spanish, French andam starting conversational Hebrew.
It is for all these reasons that I value myself too much to loose myself to the world of debauchery.
But a question I still do have... and not in a pitiful sense is why haven't I been able to find someone who actually sees all these qualities on more then a friendship level? Some people say "Anyone would be so lucky to have someone like you - It will come when the the time is right, and when it doe it'll be incredible". Which after this entry I acknowldge that yes, someone would be lucky to have me. But is there ever a right time? Others say (sch as the Indigo girls - my favorite group) "Love wil come to you" but when? While I acknowledge that it's fun I am sick of hooking up. I want that "special someone". *sigh*. In time I guess.
For now I guess that the most important thing is to be hapy with the person I am, and with the exception of a few flaws (mainly thanks to my addictive personality) I have nailed this one.
But in closingthe mysterious question still remains... if one IS happy with ones' self, can acknowledge this and believe it whole heartedly which i do, why does one engage in destructive behaviors? Yes the one is me.
In my case there is no pain in my life to relieve, and I am not unhappy with myself.
*scratches head*
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Saturday, August 9th, 2003
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1:06 am - .
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Kol Haolam Kulow Gesher Tzar M'od. V'hikar,V'haikar, lo lefached kl'all.
The whole world is a very narrow bridge, and the most important part is not to be afraid.
-Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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7:52 pm - Wow I'm bored.
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So the kids finally left yesterday and now I am basically hanging around camp for a week with not much to do... but I figure I'm getting paid for it so I'll go along with it.
This was my fourth year on Kesher Staff, as and usual it has been just as rewarding as the past. I loe knowing that I have given these kids a chance to experience a Reform Jewish csamoping experience (yes.. redundancy of words). There were some problems with the way that the program was run this year but I know that I did a good job, and did all the responsibilities that I had to do, and that any negative aspoects in the program, most of which were administrative did not have anything to do with me.
I now enjoy sleeping a lot. I toook a three hour nap in the afternoon. I had to teach my three classes today. basically we watched a clip from 60 Minutes I taped a while ago about how one lady from India is teaching autistic children how to communicate... then we talked about the whole experience and wrote letters to the kids which we will send out.
Life is boring now - no partying, no drinking, no sex. But I have amazing friends so I guess that will compensate.
I saw Keeping The Faith last night. Definitely a stellar movie. I love how the portray Judaism in the movie. As a fellow member of the family it amuses me (i.e. Charlotte on Sex and the City). Was definitely a good movie though.
Well thats the excitement of my life.. defintely not exciting I know. I'll just have to fabricate lies about how I am living life inthe fast lane and having wild hot sex with a porn star who is buying me a mansion in California and a porsche.
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Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
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9:50 pm - Top ten reasons to remain celebate...
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Today was such a long day. Went to a dairy farm... watched cows being milked and cheese being made.. came back and watched the Lion King... then it started pouring and we were stuck inside all day. I'm about to go crazy... one more day until the kids leave.... but I love them with all my heart and will definitely miss them...
Anyways because of the fact that I know basically everyone here there and those that I do not know I am not interested in having sexual realtions with this has been a dry month if one can understand my drift. So I am celibate. And I have decided to embrace the celibacy for all that it is and here is why:
Top ten reasons to remain celibate:
10) Masterbation feels better when you have not engaged in
sexual acts
9) You can better relate to monks and nuns
8) You don't have to worry about STD's
7) You don't have to worry about showering, smelling pretty,
or being clean
6) Along the same lines one does not have to worry if their breath
is fresh or not
5) One does not have to spend money on condoms or lubrication
4) One does not have to worry about washing their sheets
3) One can have amazing wet dreams (although that has not
yet happened)
Am at a loss for the other two? Any suggestions???
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Friday, August 1st, 2003
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11:58 pm - *Yawn*
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So day six with the Kesher kids is finally over.... what a day.
The weather was kind of crappy which was a bummer but thems the breaks. We started out and went to breakfast. After breakfast we finished the second half of the Little Mermaid (again one of my favorite movies...). At nine o'clock the Religious School teaching track came in and did a lesson with our kids about Shabbat. We made challah covers (you are supposed to cover the challah on the Shabbat table - legend has it that the challah is the last thing on the table blessed and you cover it so as to not embarrass it). Right afterwards we went to the kitchen and made challah with the chef.
Slight interruption - there are seven kids in the program. One girl and five boys - autism is four times as prevalent in males. There is Rusty who is seventeen years old, 6'1 and 300 + lbs. He is a giant and I sometimes call him Krusty due to his less then stellar hygiene habits. He has Aspberger's syndrome- a mild from of autism in which basically only social skills are affected. There is Blake who is also sveneteen - he knows me by name which is really exciting especially because his verbal utterances are limited. We play basketball together a lot - he is an awesome kid. There is Adam, who is sixteen, and leeps me up at night with his moaning and screams - oh and I got punched really hard by him today - its all part of the fun. There is Aitan who is 11 and has slight autism, but has many many social problems. Hannah is 11 and we have been forced to call her Hermoine during camp, as she is in her Harry Potter World. Finally there is Ed, my favorite camper (although I know that I shouldn't have favorites). Although he is non verbal I know that I have forged a strong bond with him as I have been his counselor for the past 4 years.
Anyways... we then ate lunch, went to Israeli dance, watched Harry Potter, sang songs, went to services with the rest of camp and finally went to Shabbat dinner with the rest of camp before going to sleep.
I am really exhasuted which is why this entry is lacking pizazz. Once they leave on Tuesday I'll have more umph and perhaps be able to talk about the amazing time that both myself and they are having with more vigor.
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Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
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10:00 pm - Sheesh.... I'm tired...but a good tired.
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So I am using Jason Silverman's laptop now before I go to smoke a cigarette. Thanks Jason.
Eddie, Adam, Rusty, Blake, Aitan and Hannah are sound asleep, thank gosh and I now have some time to myself. The kids have been here for three days. Only seven more to go. I'm not counting down or anything. This is this first time I've "written" about the experience in the 5 years that I have been working with these kids.
Today was a long day as usual. Woke up at 7:30 am as usual. Adam actually slept through the night. Adam is a 16 year old autistic boy whose communicative skills are extremely limited, and whose vocabulary mainly consists of high pitched noises. But from the moment you see his big white smile and brown hair you can not help but fallin love with him. I got a hug from him before he went to sleep tonight. That made my day of long work worth it.
Then we went to the pool for our first swim period at 9 am. Gosh the water was cold... but I got to model off my hot new bathing suit... hehe... After swim we had movie time and got to watch one of my favorite movies Aladdin. Then it was time for lunch. Camp Spaghetti and Meatballs.,..... mmmm....
After lunch it was time for arts and crafts - we did two projects - we painted pasta for pasta necklaces and also started decorating individual tallit, or prayuer shalls.
Well I must go. I kind of used Jason's computer without asking... will update more later.
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Saturday, July 26th, 2003
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5:32 pm - Yeah for a day of rest.... I love it here and this is why I forgot.
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So today is Saturday, our Sabbath./ It is almost about to be over but I think I enjoyed it to its fullest. Will be right back. Have to pootie.
Okay. Will have to hold my pootie. I realized that I am on such an old school computer that if I leave it will log me off.
So I woke up today and went to services at 10:00 as usual. They were read by Rabbi Roman, CRo's dad who is an amazing rabbi and an insiprational man. Half way through the service the staff choir which I am a part of sang a beautful song that we sang last year called "Heal Us Now". It was during the part of the service after the torah reading when the torah is still out for so those who need to pray for the healing of loved ones can do so.
My friends Wendy, Tammy and David came up to visit. They all worked here last year with me as Resident Advisors. We went out to a place that was rumored to be good called the Backyard Grill but our food and service proved otherwise. Oh well. Two other girls who I know, Arielle and Beth, both younger then me also cam to visit. They were campers here in the past when I was on staff but were in my youth group region of NFTY-LI (long Island). I am good friends with Arielle's sister Dinah. Was good to see them too. And they are really thoughtful and bought me a smiley face cookie!!! I almost melted.
After lunch I went to sleep for most of the day. hehe. yeah laziness. I am now waiting until the barbecue starts (there is a barbecue eveery Saturday night) and then there is Havdallah (a service which marks the separation between Shabbat (Sabbath) and the rest of the week).
Last night I had the amazing opportunity to connect with some of the foreign staff. Where else? By the bridge where staff smokes at night. I have made some amazingc onnections smoking, some which I would have not made otherwise, including this other girl Joey who is here. I read something amazing in "Atlas Shrugged" about cigarette smoking, but I will wait to comment on that in further entries.
So back to the staff... I got talking with Matty who is from Poland. He is the other driver of day camp. We talked about The European Union, Polish, visas, driving. All sorts of stuff. I love hearing about the lives of people from other cultures. This is why I want to do what i want to do (go in the foreign service). I also talked to the Israeli girl whose name now escapes me about Rabin's assaination, army service and so much more.
This of course, among manyother things made me realize that there is much more to life then the bodies of Saddama's two dead sons.
Now, if only Mr. Bush could realize that.
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Thursday, July 24th, 2003
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11:28 pm - You know who you are too.....
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I miss our intellectual conversations and the way we can talk for hours on end about anything. And I miss eating sushi with you. And kissing your forehead.
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11:19 pm - Hmmm... Construction Boys
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So I must say that the one thing that I will miss from driving the van are the hot construction boys that I encountered. There is ongoing construction on Lakes Road and this super hot muscular blonde construction man holds up a "slow" or "stop" sign to control the traffic on the one way road. Hmmm... that will be missed. In addition I will also miss the extremely hot boy that I encounter at the convenience store when I buy my coffee. Such are the breaks. My kids come on Sunday. For now I am getting ready by teaching the Kutz campers about autism and about all the kids who are coming.
Things with me and Rachel are shakey. She is busy 24 hours a day with her job and mine doesn't really start until Sunday so we haven't been able to spend too much time with eachother.. plus I have been through so many experiences the past year that I have changed as a person. For the better. I have lived in a foreign country and have partied with the best of em. I am now more confident in myself. Oh well. I digress.
In other news I watched two hours of Dawson's Creek today. I forgot how much I loved that show. Tomorrow night starts Shabbat. A Day of rest. Exciting.
Ta ta for now. A special thanks to C Ro for letting me use her amazing computer..... the ones here are all broken.
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sethro's journal